If mental illness
is a battleground
then I am a war veteran.
If my mind is strewn
with dead bodies
then I live in blood.
If my soul
was split into two
many years ago,
then it is healing
that I need.
So the tears that fall daily
are my payment,
for all the wounded
whom I struck down
In my rage
I now train in a different reality;
One where I can see the light.
One where I can see what’s really there.
One where I am no longer alone.
One which contains you.
I sit and wait
the canvas is blank
my mind is blank
one minute empty
ready to be filled
I take a moment
and let the silence guide me
it is a long wait
for the dust to settle
from raw experience
overcome with emotional
exhaustion for days on end
tired to my very bones
all i can do right now
is strip down the wallpaper
and let the blank grey texture
until the could’s and shoulds
clear from the mind sky
and some ray of light
penetrates the softness
and receptive nature
replenished by waiting
of my mind
now ready and waiting
for the spark
I trust that
more than anything.
Darkness or light? That is the choice, always. What we choose will be dependent on our attitude, our programming, our upbringing. There is always an opportunity for healing, wherever we shine our light. Sure, we will be hounded by the Darkside until we face it head on. That is our work. That is the only mission that really counts.
This Incantation is from The Eagles Gift, by Carlos Castaneda
“I am already given to the power that rules my fate,
and I cling to nothing, so I will have nothing to defend.
I have no thoughts, so I will see.
I fear nothing, so I will remember myself.
Detached and at ease, I will dart past the Eagle
to be free.”
You may need this when you embark upon your descent into the underworld!
May The Force Be With You….Always!
I felt in you, inside me perhaps now I look again
A black hole.
It matters little where it was located, it was there.
There is something you should know about this place but I hardly know where to begin.
There is something in there that I feel compelled to see
To touch, to taste, to experience.
I think it is the unknowable.
The place into which we must leap, trustingly
With our life in our hands,
abandoned to the fate that awaits us.
As I said.
And I said to you that I wanted this and that.
But did I really know what I was wanting?
Beyond the surface patina of how things look, how things appear to our mind?
Did I really look beyond that?
For once, I did not.
I did not enter that black hole
For I was sore afraid.
And so should we all be.
But never be afraid of that fear.
For without that instinct, we are done for.
Without that fear, our integrity does not last.
Without that primal relevance, we are ourselves, irrelevant.
How can we become relevant to the world, and to ourselves, without the burgeoning sense of self-importance?
By letting go;
Every moment, a small surrender.
Every moment, a peaceful intention and determination.
Every moment, finding love, where once there was emptiness.
And of emptiness?
Who can say?
Therein lies the essence of the ‘black hole’.
I told you.
It’s deep alright!
It’s all up for grabs.
Dorchester May 2nd 2017
For art see here
Now I can see what you are
What you are not
What I am
What I am not
I’m taking risks
To be close to you
Because I don’t always understand things
Unless I am close up
Snuffling around for clues
Like a mouse
I want to figure things out
There is nothing like
The love I feel
When it is flowing
A shape can be formed
And trap us in it’s hold
When we stop clinging and let ourselves feel
Exactly what we feel,
When we don’t lock anything down
And we can tell our truth
And be heard by one another
Then the riches will reveal themselves
In the experiences we share
For Art Go Here
Opening up to the places inside that have been shut away for so long.
Making faces at the fears that now uncover their subversive intentions to derail me from my truth.
I am not there yet;
The fears still serve as my protection.
Protection from what?
I wonder… if not the memories of past times when that massive energy overwhelmed me in it’s force and ferocity, taking me down into depths I never knew existed, into negativities so colossal that I was drowning….?
That was before.
That is the past.
The time is now; I recognise these things in their true form.
Thoughts that have become tram lines in my heart and head; my body merely responding to the vibrations being offered up from universal source; (some are bigger and better conduits than others), and for so long I was hearing the Voice in a solitary confinement of my own.
Pressure from without would keep me in my place, the place where other’s fears are not jarred or stirred, and when I broke free it was like all volcanoes erupting at once.
But that was then…
Now a memory.
This is now…
How is it now? Really?
Is it like a spring rain, for the first time warm again on the inside?
Is it like a water fountain of release, bubbling and flowing inside of your deepest parts?
Is it like a place so sublime that you can hardly hold it for the embarrassment of riches it now yields?
Is it like a formless being inhabiting your very body?
Are you empty yet?
If not, there is still time.
Wednesday 19th April 2017
Now I can see, what you mean is so much more to me than a cheap thrill. It’s a bitter pill to swallow when you know you’ve fallen into a trap and had to have your friends point out a few things about how you’ve been acting.
Suck it up.
They have your best interests at heart.
You just have to believe they love you.
Serious is freedom’s business…
Let go of the ego’s version of freedom
And return to the freedom within
Let serious then become playful
For the business of freedom
Can never be corralled in moroseness
But must be let to fly
For the gold must be found
In those who can and will
For the good of those who can’t
God bless them all