Now I can see, what you mean is so much more to me than a cheap thrill. It’s a bitter pill to swallow when you know you’ve fallen into a trap and had to have your friends point out a few things about how you’ve been acting.
Suck it up.
They have your best interests at heart.
You just have to believe they love you.
We can get lost in the woods
just like we get lost in ourselves
in our thoughts of future
in our regrets of past
in our longings
in our desires
and the dysfunctions of life.
But if we stop
just long enough
to listen to the silence
we may hear the guiding spirit
the still small voice
into it’s arms
waiting patiently in the moment
3rd Oct 2016
Yesterday was hard. Lots felt wrong. My friend Adam, didn’t feel like taking photos. We were all tired and slightly grumpy after another late Saturday of jamming excellent music. It was a glorious day; not to be missed and by four o’clock, I had rallied myself to capture the moment anyway, trusting that the spirit of kind positivity would bring us through.
We found a small camp in the woods and I set to painting my face with memories of my gigging days floating through. We got the last remaining rays of sunshine and I posed and made shapes in the shards of setting sunlight in the glade by the path. It somehow worked out, and then there is the uncanny sense, at least after the ‘event’ that everything went according to plan; as if you had one! The spontaneous plans are always the best!
It always amazes me how healing creative experiences can be. Once you have processed the shame and embarrassment of scaring passers by with your blacked out face, the thrill of the moment becomes more playful. ‘F**k It’ is our profane mantra in these moments. I’m not being bad. Just playful, irreverent, goodly dangerous to the status quo of holding and fear. The fear in our culture is all the more easy to see and feel when you are driving along looking like a coal miner back from work…. surreal!
Never mind the bollocks. The little shoot went well. I always have to overcome my fear of looking stupid or weird and I think it paid off in the end. I love the results and it illustrates the nature spirit of the woods as part of my Art Shaman theme of the present moment.
It’s all temporary anyway.
This is a super quick fun piece done for my own pleasure (aren’t they all?). I love the wild energy and the colors represent the incredible creative energy around me at the moment during Dorset Art Weeks 2016 and the inspiration I’m feeling to get on my horse and ride off in all directions at once!
A new abstract for the collection. “Boy” £330
Buy this painting here www.ptartworks.com shipped within the UK or internationally by arrangement.
in order to live upwards
we must fall downwards
running off the canvas
of time and space
we must allow
ourselves to run
with gravity’s pull
and when we reach the edge
we must allow
ourselves to dry
on the beach of emptiness
as we dream at the borders
only to renew ourselves
by turning the canvas
When asked today in my Magic Mirror Challenge about the message I want to espouse, I am forced to think long and hard about it. There are so many pat answers I could give, but if I am living true to my word I want to go deeper than all the platitudes that have been already said.
If I could put this painting and it’s meaning into a message that would perhaps carry, and give new perspective it would be…
Art is my meditation
It anneals my soul
Enlivens my spirit
And informs my intellect
As to where I am
In my process
For that, really
Is all that matters;
The cessation of suffering
And the opening
Of the doors to Nirvana.
What you see here
Is the result of that process;
That striving towards
That release of pressure
And the relief of understanding.
Part of the growth process must involve self-analysis. The above prose poetry is what emerged when I analysed my relationship to my art and my creative process.
What it means to me is what drives me, and this is an important understanding for anyone looking to employ the techniques of disruption to their life, business, project or self development.
For more on Disruption and innovation see Whitney Johnson’s book “Disrupt Yourself“. I highly recommend it if you are looking for positive change in any area of your life.
Well things have been really topsy turvy here for a while. That, my friends is a major understatement. I can’t tell you everything, but the chaos had been simply ubiquitous.
For starters, we’ve got the decorator in at the moment, giving the hallway a fresh lick of paint and new cupboards for hiding the accumulated flotsam and jetsam of life, which of course meant housing everything somewhere else in the house; the home improver’s nightmare!
Oh, and did I mention we already have a small four year old chaos producer living here full time…yeah, more on that in a minute.
Luckily, it’s now beginning to look great, with beautifully clean Indian white walls and subtle earthy greens and stone, it’s actually looking quite sleek. Which is great because the fresh paint will only add to the ambience of my up coming exhibition for Dorset Arts Week.
All are welcome!
But in the mean time coats, hats, scarves, tables, ornaments and toys have been littering my studio so I’ve been going slightly mad for the lack of creative work…
And as if that were’t enough to deal with for now…
The Bad News….
Meanwhile my four year old has managed to wipe my computer hard drive, losing me six months of work.
Sadly some of which is probably gone forever…video’s, photos and digital work….ughh! NO!!! I pleaded….this can’t be happening….but happen it did.
I must admit, I cried. I couldn’t believe it. All gone in a second. Why oh why didn’t we back up the system? I asked over and over….
I know why.
Head in the clouds…or head in the sand, one or the other!
What can I say?
I went into a bit of a rage and decided I would have nothing more to do with technology; after all it’s all time wasting garbage isn’t it!? Ha! (Clearly, it depends on where you are looking!)
But in reality can we really do without it in this day and age? Well, frankly, no. Not once you’ve tasted it’s fruits anyway and I need it for, well, this…and my art, and getting it out into the world.
I had to find another way to process this…
Art to the rescue. As ever, I thought.
The Art of Letting Go….
Sometimes Art teaches you how to let go. A lot of what I’ve learned in life is to do with letting go, and when that happens life gets interesting.
After the agony of loss, we can usually find a renewed respect for what we do have. This is usually a wake up call from the universe that tells us we really do have many blessings, and we’ve been sleep walking all along.
The Good News….
Since then, I’ve been out walking and running every day. In every weather.
I have quit smoking weed as an anti-depressant (I feel I can tell you this!) and ditched the need for therapy (and the recommended pills which I would not take).
I’ve started drinking shed loads of water which is working it’s magic, as well as cutting right down on salt (so I can grow some muscles).
I have tapped into my feel good energy and my natural high, which after four years of ME/CFS and depression is about the best news ever.
Disaster is the mother of Determination
I reckon, when I do get back to work, which is any day now, you had better watch out.
This is going to be high octane.
I’m taking no prisoners.
Come and see me and my eclectic abstract/figurative work from May 28 – June 12, 2016 (see website for more details).
I stand, and stand
Still as rock
Have I stood so long.
I stare, and stare
I quiver, I quiver
I stand my ground
This time round.
I am reading ‘Think And Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill as part of my Financial Education.
Reading the first story of a little girl standing up to an adult man made me think that the lesson may be in Standing One’s Ground. Believing in one’s endeavour until results are seen is a vital lesson in endurance and perseverance.
For me personally, the belief in my work as an artist must be sustained through lean times, when no perceivable progress is being made. I must trust my course of action and face down the Doubt Devil, eye ball to eye ball.
In this way alone can I hope to achieve long term results.
You know the one. The impenetrable bricks and mortar one, not the flimsy version that you can dissolve with a thought. No this is almost like hitting your mortality in the face.
I had to have a crazy scribble on the paper then run off to the loo for a little cry then escape for a coffee and a chat with Sarah.
Thank god I know what it’s all about. It’s almost certainly one symptom of burn out. I’ve been moving the house around, including the studio. I’ve also been watching other artist’s at work and simultaneously getting inspired and dejected.
The comparison game is deadly for sure.
My wall tonight was composed of the following elements:
I can’t do this
I am not able to be this ‘artist’ thing
I’m not flowing tonight
I’m in my head
I can’t do this
I am crap…..
…you get the picture. Not very inspiring stuff to have in your head. I really do have a lot to learn, and that’s ok. You never stop learning art. Same as life, no different, but I do know one thing; I am learning how to know when to stop and what to do when I’m stopped.
It’s such a relief to go “You know what. There is no pressure but my own here, I can get off whenever I want to. It’s supposed to be fun!”
And that’s where I started the night. With the intent to have fun. I did. I got to talk to fellow artists, and you know what? They all understood, in their own version, what I meant, what had happened and shared a little bit more.
That’s it in a nut shell really. Being vulnerable enough to let it out, let it out and let other’s in.