Finding my Super Elegant Loving Force (S.E.L.F)

I’m getting really good at wading through emotional, mental and cognitive shit. Somehow I am surviving and coming out the other side better than before I went in. It feels amazing!

Wading through shit…that’s called being human; it’s what we do…

The wading process appears to be feeding me. In a way it’s part of who I am and how I function; to get into a mess, and have to figure a way through.

The shit wading process brings out all sorts of character traits; the lover of challenges and the inventor of approaches, the researcher of ideas and the consoler of lost dreams. It’s all there.

I love it!!!….even though I hate being in it.

I must do because I keep attracting it!

Probably something like you.

The important question to ask ourselves is whether we are sinking, floating, or wading, and why?

Ducky_Birds_acrylic_on_canvas_painting_PT_Art
Are we floating of sinking in our own waters?

I’ve learnt a lot recently from friends and family, books and other things…

  • I’ve learnt that I often get so caught up in my own head that I forget to listen and that really pisses people off.
  • I’ve learnt that selfishness isn’t as bad as it’s cracked up to be and in fact is grossly misunderstood as a term.
  • I’ve learnt that putting others first can be detrimental to your health when you are ‘sacrificing’ your own needs. I don’t like martyrs and neither should you.
  • I’ve learnt that it’s OK to be a pain in the ass…sometimes; as long as there is a good reason, and you are aware of it. Otherwise you are just being an ass-hole and acting from your emotional baggage.

Sometimes we’ve just got to focus on ourselves for a while, or for ever. Sometimes we have to be selfish, or ‘concerned with our own interests‘ in order to function right. If we don’t function within the bounds of our own nature, then we are unhappy humans trying to be a shape we are not.

I am now debunking all sorts of old programming that would have me trying to fit into a square hole, when obviously I’m round.

They don’t make round squares, or square circles….

acrylic on board abstract painting of black and white bubbles on a green background by contemporary artist phoebe thomasson

So I was never really a square after all; just a repressed and terrified round thing with no inner sense of direction. That’s modern life for you.

Fuck you! modern life for making me scared….deep down, you know what I’m talking about….right?

These are lonely times, and it’s acceptable to use whatever we can at our disposal, within reason, to help us through.

Loneliness is a killer and it’s imperative to master the art of vulnerability and reach out through the walls of our partitioned lives and into one another’s hearts and minds. Trust me, it’s not as bad as you think!

Reaching out always makes me feel better immediately, even if no-one replies, it’s that act of courage that makes all the difference. If there is a loving and friendly reply, then so much the better, but it’s the reaching out that counts.

But we want to feel heard too.

I am done with guilt and shame for needing certain things, and for my weaknesses.

I am now striving to find, and live in, my zone of genius (see Gay Hendricks for more on that).

I am working on finding my S.E.L.F. (Super, Elegant, Loving, Force)

To intimately know the S.E.L.F. and to accept it…perchance to…well, love it, is hard work!!

To live as the Super Elegant Loving Force that we truly are, requires some kind of surrender, the choice to do so, and the dropping of much baggage, just because we can. It’s an art, for sure.

Some of it can only be done in thought, carefully picking our way through our faulty assumptions about life.

The word and deed results come later.

I must be patient…and diligent.

It will come.

turquoise and yellow ochre textured paint with hand print and bird motifs
The Birds and Bees; acrylic on canvas
Heavenly_Bodies_acrylic
Heavenly Bodies; acrylic on canvas
bare tree stands against clear blue winter sky majestic and strong
Naked Tree; acrylic on canvas
a frond unfurls amidst a neon pink background surrounded by an aura of gold acrylic painting by phoebe thomasson
Pitcher Plant; mixed media on canvas
a purple and blue feather on a misty blue background
Shaman’s Feather; oil on canvas (sold)
link to the art shop and gallery of phoebe thomasson artist
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photograph of roots by phoebe thomasson mixed media artist

Chopping & Changing: a skill…

Phew. That’s the phone OFF for a bit. I’ve noticed that I’ve recently become ‘entrained’ to Twitter. I’ve willingly allowed the process to occur because I need to know how it all works so I can market myself and my art, but really, it’s good sometimes to turn it all off!

Do you find it hard to disconnect? What else are you connected to besides the Internet?

Funny thing is, I discovered a wee while back that I do actually have a penchant for self-marketing. Guess it’s because I’ve always been a poser and have a love of communication. Seems that when you hone it all with a mission plan, your set. The rest of it is perseverance. Yes. That’s the bit I never understood before.

My message of the day is: you can change…and will! It’s inevitable; all you need to think about, if you care to is where the f**k you want to change to?

Hope that is short and sweet enough for your stupidly busy day…I know mine has been; but it’s been great!

Tara…

Phoebe

a complex pattern of black veins and outgrowths on a yellow background

Escape the Rabbit Hole of the Internet

If The Rabbit Hole IS The Internet then Lewis Carol was indeed the Shaman he seems to be judging by his visionary works. I’m of course referring to his masterpiece Alice in Wonderland; and how deep does it go…? Good question, and entirely unanswerable. The internet is something that has never existed in the known history of mankind and i think it’s important to remember this. I’ll tell you why in a bit.

I see the Internet as an external manifestation of the human mind. The real question though is when we realize that we are caught in it…as beautiful as the landscape might be, we do have real lives to attend to.

Lets face it head on. The internet is a drug, like caffeine, like cocaine, like sugar, like lack of sleep. Yep! Getting off it requires the same kind of discipline that any habit takes to kick.

We know when it’s taking over, but we may not have acknowledged this on a conscious level. So, really. Everyday we’ve got to be dead honest with ourselves about how far caught in Wonderland we are, and asking ourselves the question, relentlessly; “Is this serving me NOW!?” and if it’s time to come back TO BE DECISIVE about it and WALK AWAY…NOW!

Practice time!!! See You Later!

😉

Bacon, Eggs and Yin Yoga….going native in a wierd world

Well hello again dear reader. There’s been a few changes around here. You know I’m not one for prolific posts (I have a life to lead away from the screen!) but I thought you should know what’s been going down around my particle of universe…check it out….

I am wearing my shades at night and not in the sun. I have switched from becoming almost vegan to eating meat every day and Yin yoga is stretching the parts of me that no other medication could ever reach. Oh and my biceps are bigger than they’ve ever been in my life.
What the hell is going on?

Well, in a nut shell I’ve gone native. I’m living as a hunter gatherer in the 21st Century, er, you know…hunting in Waitrose and going barefoot in the garden lots….well, it’s a start. I tell you what though; my energy has gone through the roof and for a while there I thought I was never going to shift the ME/CFS label thing out of my system but guess what folks, it seems the yolks have it and bacon has never tasted so virtuous.

If you want to know more than skip along to http://www.marksdailyapple.com (when you’ve finished reading this post and pressed the follow button of course) and learn a bit about how our bodies are designed to eat animal protein and being a vegetarian might just be wearing you out, never mind the veganism….yawn…

It’s ok if you’ve never experienced meat power in your muscles, but being brought up on meat and then going veggie years later, I never did recover that sense of sheer joy at feeling the full range of oomph in my muscles that they were surely designed for. Now you have to buy ethically of course as it’s grass-fed meat and organic produce we’re after here because like every veggie we care about the animals but I’m sorry, if you eat cheese and milk you are inevitably part of the industrial food chain and the best you can do is to give yourself the proper nourishment so you can really go out there and make some changes.

I tell you, this is all a major turn around for me. not more than a few months back I was proudly announcing how close to a vegan ideal I was getting in my meals; farting and sporting a gassed up bloated bean belly, at least I felt ethically superior. It did nothing for my energy however, and day after day of lagging on the sofa waiting for that magic few hours of pick up was starting to take its toll. I started on the St Johns wort as I just couldn’t find my inner sunshine anymore.

Fast forward a few weeks and a month in to my new diet of meat, fish, fowl, eggs, nuts, salad leaves, vegetables and lots of cold water (with cacao and other treats interspersed) I am just about to launch my yoga business and start my first group classes. I’m already expanding my range of activities to hauling rocks, gardening with a spade, carrying my nearly three year-old into town on my back (with shopping sometimes)…well it doesn’t take a genius to figure what my body has been lacking.

The other day when eating freshly fried bacon in butter (yeah!) I was thinking how every food is trying to emulate this basically supremely satisfying blend of protein and fat and salt. Oh boy. But you do need to realize on thing. This is a food choice pathway that leaves bread by the wayside. The complex carb boat is sunk. No more rice, spelt, wheat, rye, anything containing gluten and also no beans. Mung bean no more. Chick pea forget. No. This diet is only for those with the mind of determination and the will to survive.
After two years stuck on the sofa, I can’t look back now. I’d rather have muscle power than bean farts any day, anyway.

As for the shades…well that’s a whole ‘nother story….ha!

Go Go PALEO!