Go Through, Gatekeeper. Go Through!

I feel like I shouldn’t be this comfortable or confident;
I feel like my life is a wreck and I am doing everything wrong!
‘You are’ said the voice.
What do I do with That!? I ask myself (not wanting to fight).
Nothing.
You cannot fight it.

Right or wrong, I guess I want a phantom;
I want something I do not know.
I see things based on evidence and intuition.
So you could say that yes, I am day dreaming my future into being,
Where as others, are dreaming themselves into oblivion.

You ARE the gate keeper;
You can see things how ever you like,
But you only see the dreams of those who pass through your door.

It is time to dream your own dream.

If our ways are supposed to part, then it will be from your strong desire;
I have no desire to leave or destroy.
I seek only to build, repair and develop.
I seek only to know the future I have never experienced,
Not to repeat the pasts that I have.
I seek to make amends, to adapt and evolve.
I seek to expand upon what I have and keep for myself a stable base from which to spread my wings.

If you wish to be part of my world then visualize yourself there.
Do not leave your dreams in the grip of negative presuppositions.
You neither know the way, or can predict its results unless you dream the way yourself.

It is time to invest in your own dreams and stop merely holding the doors for others without passing through.
Don’t let life pass you by by grasping at it.
You must enter it.
You must leave all past behind and let it serve merely as a guide, not a beacon.
Your beacon should be your own dream
Not that of others.

Phoebe Thomasson
Dorchester, Dorset
Feb 15th 2016

Barnabus

Sometimes, things only strike you as obvious when you have been through a crisis and all your doors of perception are open.

How many times have we encountered ourselves and others as merely the gatekeepers to the dreams of others.

When are we going to finally own up to the individuality that sets us apart from everyone else on the planet and be courageous enough to embrace it fully.

I think I ask myself this every day.

I get stuck on the how’s but hey, I’m doing it, even though I haven’t a clue how.

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Photo Credit: Roger Kirby

Dreaming of Destruction….again!

Just before my last waking this morning, I had a series of dreams. They were very strong in their imaginary.

See what you make of them and I’ll tell you what they mean to me at the end.

Dream#1: Nothing Left to Eat…

We are a small tribe/community living in a glade type valley and we are foraging for food and living our lives.

There are mini dramas going on, just as in any culture but something ominous was looming. It becomes clear that we were running out of food and that before long we would have to find more or we were all going to starve to death.

A group of us took off to search whilst the elders stayed behind and took their chances, unafraid for their survival unlike ourselves. We were hungry!

We came up a leafy hill and everything stopped. The massive strip of ground before us was as bare as could be.

Tilled soil was all that stood there as far as the eye could see up to the brow of the massive hill. My guts went weird as a ferocious sound hit us. Although we knew we should run now, we were transfixed.

Dogs came running over the hill towards us. They didn’t look like the type of dog to be fierce, they were golden retrievers! However their appearance did nothing to allay the reality that they were protecting their site and we were clearly trespassing!

That’s the end as far as I can remember.

Dream#2: Trouble in The Air…

We were driving to my friend’s house up the Weymouth Avenue and just at the top by the traffic lights we spied a sight that we had never seen for real in this area. A twister!

We debated  for a minute how serious it was. It was soon clear that it was very serious indeed and headed right for us.

My first instinct to carry on in the direction I was going, which may have actually taken us beyond the path of the wind tunnels, was immediately over-ridden by a strange mix of ‘I have to get home!’ and deep panic.

Home meant doing a U-turn in the road and I was aware of traffic all around…and home was where it was headed. Where should we turn, and how fast could we run without contributing to the general panic?

Time for the general synopsis…

Dreams are multidimensional and usually contain at least two levels of understanding, one cultural (global) and two, personal.

On a personal level both dreams seem to say to me that I’ve hit my nemesis.

In some sense I am up against the ‘survivalist’ dream. The ability to sustain myself is somehow under threat, either for real or metaphorically.

This could have always been the case, and something I am now discovering (new territory) or something that is coming upon me as new realizations dawn (threatening circumstances). On both counts the message is quite clear.

ACT! Now is not the time for contemplation…for me this is clearly a call to clear and concise decision-making.

Trust your first instinct! If that is to run, just choose the right direction. If that is to stand your ground (more appropriate with dogs than tornadoes!) then do that!

The worst thing I can do now is vacillate in self-doubt! Making the wrong decision is the fear but making no decision is fatal!

Global Interpretation…

(Remember this is my own!) OK. So we are at some ‘event horizon’ and all we see before us is barren land and…the dogs of war? We know not what is beyond the horizon and all we can sense is despair at our uncertain future.

Let me give you the alternative ending…

(Penned in my waking hours!)

A New Perspective

Immediately we all sink to our knees, drop our gaze to the ground and stretch out our arms. The dogs pick up on our non-resistance and almost simultaneously they become our friendly welcoming committee. They run up to us licking our face and wagging their tales.

They communicate that they’ve been waiting for us and protecting the land. They lead us over the bow of the hill where we behold a Golden City before us. We know instantaneously that before us lie the treasure of abundance.

The Golden City is replete with good food, shelter and companionship. We make plans to go and fetch the rest of the tribe to bring them to the city. The city exceeds all our expectations. It’s golden hue is a sign of its enlightened vibration.

Mankind has finally learned to live in harmony with nature. The barren field is merely ready for us to plant the seeds if our choice, and we are welcome into the city as long-lost sisters and brothers. We are home.

Now that’s much better!

Seamless: A Revealing Journey…A Poem

photo credit CLUC

I just awoke from a dream….not seconds.ago…and this was the journey that I saw…

Like travellers we strode
Cross valley
And mountain ridge
Like gritty royal characters
The peasants we did pass
We looked up from our toil
To see the royal throng
We stopped with wonder
As we saw ourselves go by

We were transvestites on the beach
Hollering with love and confusion
Dressed in our cross referenced illusion
We looked up to see the punks
Running towards us through the sand
We were charging skins red raw from battle
Worn with tattooed sides and red blood
Running in veins so wild
As we flew towards our quarry
Till we saw the whites of their eyes
And stopped….amazed at seeing
Ourselves

We were landed gentry
Enjoying feasting off the fat of the land
I took her hand
Silken gown flowing down
Not far removed from the royalty
Of yesteryear
You were my servant when I spied you near
I looked up to see my lord’s eyes
Over serving caviare and scones did I then
Come to realize
There was something of me
Behind those wine soaked eyes

I was buccaneer in my office with my phone
Leather case now replace breeches
But my pirate nature with me
Has eternally flown
I steal your money
You’re women your rent
I saw in my whore something new
A her blouse I tore asunder
I saw the thunder in his heart
As wantonly I took my legs
Apart at the seams you took me there
There was something in that
Piratical stare
I almost choked on my red soaked
Lips when I saw my child
My former bliss
In your eyes I am your mother
Your sister
Your lover

We all came round the corner
Up the street to where Goliath’s meet and he was gin-soaked
Riding a horse of Gothic
Proportion
He was waiting
But not waiting
The witch and the warden
the characters all came to him and he nodded
Off to the egg with his weighty smile
Revealed from the door
Those eyes once more…

Sat in the space pod
Was myself; it was me from the outside!
He smiled
The circle complete
Ourselves we did meet…

Though my poetry’s bad
Such a night we all had.

P.Thomasson
2014

This poem is alluding directly to Andy Weir’s short story called ‘The Egg’

Photo Credit CLUC

Rising Tide (Party at The End of Time)

I woke just now from dreaming
The feeling was desolate…

Have you ever felt
Like it was the end of the world?
Did you see the party
At the end of time?
Were your loved ones there
And your brother too?
It was my nephew who was by my side.
Or was it my son grown up?

Can’t seem to shake off the flood
The waters rose when she came after me
We tried swimming in the dark
Party over I chose to leave early
Strike my own path back to base camp
Before the dawn we were up to our necks
In the flood waters do we swim?

Stay up on higher ground
My waking self says get up
Get up out the water
The water is emotions drowning you
You can swim but it is cold
And will only tire you out
But in the dark its hard to know
What to do so me and him we swim
He’s been bitten by what?

I hugged my dad at the party
Does he even remember me?
Do the dead remember who they were?
Who they were is who they are to the living
Enduring memories serve as anchors
We keep your ashes in a box
Should we set you free on the earth?
Do you want to be free?

Stay up on higher ground
Climb on the tables
Forget and let her be.
Dark waters in the night
Do we swim in you safely?

The bar man offered me cheap drinks as he was closing
But they were no cheaper
Only faster. Urgency nearly making the choice
Not wise to guzzle your drink down
Leave the party early to the other end of town.

We saw the waters rising
It was like a tap left on
The door was a dam
Keeping it rising
Stop mesmerising
Get up onto higher ground.

Rise.

My old friend she scorned me
Then let me know her pain
I said yes I share your agony
But know of many remedies
She looked awkward in her skin
I remember her as graceful
Time and pain had taken their toll
I saw we were no different
In our weirdness
Sisters together
Then she disappeared again.

My uncle dancing like a gangster
Mod clean cuts and grey pin suit
I stood at the balcony with you
Beautiful young man
I’m old enough to be your mother
Are you my son?
What do you see by my side?
How can we hold back this tide?
Stay on higher ground.

Rise and shine.
Shine up and rise like the phoenix
He smiles at me
Staying by my side in the rising tide.

We swim.

Strategies for Unlocking The Creative Castle

Imagine never having a problem with starting a new piece of work ever again!
Imagine a big iron key ring with all the keys to your creative castle!

Block=B-Locked

Every lock needs a key!
From now on I invite you to use the image of ‘being locked’ instead of ‘blocked’.

No matter how far down the line you think you are in terms of artistic ‘locks’, or how long you’ve been ‘locked’ for, and no matter how expert you are at finding valid reasons why you can’t possibly be creative today, not ever, you can choose to override your own belief systems right now.

When you are caught in that space you know so well, when you are thinking you will never figure out how to make the next move, resist the urge to believe in the futility of it all!

Realize instead that there is another way; a ‘subroutine’ that you can learn that will insure, in the long run at least that you will never have to suffer long term locks again!

The methods I use will get you into your inner space where you can look dispassionately at what you have to do to create the kind of conditions that will enable you to paint, draw, write or whatever it is you do.

Don’t ask how just yet but simply create a list of conditions you imagine you need to make headway.

My own list looks something like this;

More time
More focus
More energy

Ok. That’s fine for starters but it’s really vague. What we need are specifics.

There is a vibe that goes with the creative flow that we must learn to evoke strongly enough that it starts to erode the locked energy as water does stone. This is a process to repeat over and over until you are familiar with the elements involved.

I’m going to start with a cup of tea. Not any tea but a herbal tea blend with cinnamon and ginger that has particular significance to me. What? For me this tea evokes a feeling of strength and tranquility, two of the elements I need to create.

Candles, music, certain clothes or scents will all have attributes that play a part in awakening our sense of flow. Spend some time becoming aware of your preferences in each of these areas.

Dismissing the peripherals as insignificant is to deny the nature of human creative expression. These are your keys into the castle. The castle has many rooms and you will need many keys. Don’t skimp on the atmospherics as they are what will take you into the mysterious central chambers where the meat of your creative life is stored.

Likewise, don’t wait for perfect ambience either. Enough to get your juices flowing is all that is required. I am here in the study/office/computer room which is currently too cluttered and disorganized for my liking. However, I have managed to circumvent that distracting reality by employing a few key elements that have instantly put me ‘in the mood’.

One: I have my hot three milks spicy drink on the go…
WHY? BECAUSE…it helps me feel nurtured (in case you are wondering it’s coconut milk, soya milk and goats milk and today because I’m coldy I’ve a generous helping of Cayenne Pepper, crushed Cardamon and it’s all sweetened with Coconut Sugar. Super Yum!).

Two: My laptop is set to full screen enabled by the f11 key and also within the editing suite of WordPress…
WHY? BECAUSE…then there are no immediate distractions in my face. I’m easily distracted and I KNOW THIS ABOUT MYSELF!

Three: right in front of me is a nice plant, then a wall with a wide and beautiful picture of rock strata and waves lapping…

WHY? BECAUSE…That’s enough to hold my forward gaze whilst thinking when I hit a stall. I don’t need to look left or right, oh and also I have a supportive chair, and bare feet; that’s always a good one if it’s warm enough (it’s warmer round here in January with the central heating on than it is for half of the summer in the UK!)

WHY…..????

You get the idea. So. Settings and peripherals are lock number one.

If you had noticed my use of WHY and BECAUSE that’s also a conscious decision to make these things count, they have a reason for being, they are not just random occurrences. That’s not to say they were all planned just to make this blog happen, I just know that with a few of the correct elements in place it is so much easier to create. They may initially occur out of trial and error and that’s your job for the week. Watch the nice things you do for yourself and see how they ‘make’ you feel. Take notes! They’re good for you!

Tune in for lock number two coming very soon!

🙂

Vision Quest

mountain_lake

What’s your vision?
Vision of what?
The future? a different reality?

Perhaps some of us recoil at these kind of questions and judge that they are all a bit wishy washy for today’s scientific minds. But I would argue that science itself comes from the wonder of mystery and the grace of discovery.

Without a vision of something more alluring to come, what are we? I would answer that we are probably depressed and ‘dry’ in our world, physically and otherwise.

Like a lake or a stream, life is either static or moving at any given point but there is a reflection available within each state. Our moving target may be harder to spot as it is distorted by the speed of the water, but when we sit by the lake of reflection our views can become crystal clear.

It may be that we have no focus on the future because we are so busy in the river doing our thing that we cannot contemplate any sense of visionary reality, we are simply surviving and will take what is offered. This may be fine and a larger vision of family is played out to incorporate many rivers joining their race towards the sea. But when our day is done and each has their own way to travel, have we set our sights on something larger, some vista we may have once desired and shelved through inconvenience?

The far away place you dream of is just out of place now and not in keeping with your utilitarian version of day to day reality. It feels more like a dream; completely unapproachable from this waking state of fast moving river consciousness.

Or is it? Is not the far fetched utopian ideal the very ‘vision’ we require to fuel our reason for existing in the first place? The battle for realism, no matter what is undermining the capacity for us to dream.

No dream, no vision.
No vision = blindness.

So next time you find yourself stumbling through a fast moving river version of your life, ask yourself where the nearest lake is and make time to sit by it and remind yourself of the view from the point of stillness. Go on, I know you can! You never know what you might see in those still crystal waters.

Just don’t jump in without a wet suit; these mountain lakes are freezing!