What purpose do we need?

Today is one of those days. Today I feel bereft of an anchor or a purpose. I check my phone. Ah, the moon is nearly dark. The dark moon is always a confusing one for me; so used as I am, to being ‘filled up’ with things. I don’t feel panicked about it. Not this time anyway. So what’s changed? I can sense the emptiness coming with the approaching moon differently today. I feel somehow safe in its presence as if it were a benevolent friend sitting with me. It tells me not to worry and sitting in the feeling of emptiness I am aware of this befriending process. This is a new one, yet there is nothing new here at all! My mind is looking for a latch, or a hook upon which to hang this day, but the hook and the door indeed, have all but gone! Gone where? No-where. Emptiness is like that. Nothing has disappeared, yet its mere appearance is no longer manifesting before me. Confused? Don’t be.

It is no more confusing than a dew drop evaporating from the petal of a flower
Gone back to its source from whence it came, merely changing form, not essence

So what do I do in this state of being?…or no being? I really don’t know who I am or what I am doing in that potentially aimless day-to-day kind of way that could manifest into a depression or even simple malaise. So what gives?

Here is what my Buddha tells me:

Accept whatever feelings or states arrive to the best of your ability and allow the shifting of your mind to be in a positive direction. Be mindful of your emotions and mental winds and do not allow your state to sink. All is well. Trust. This is the time of clearing. Everything must evaporate into its native state before it can rebuild itself afresh. The process is indeed instigated by the passage of the moon in her phases and affects the very water molecules of your physical being. You could call this a body mood. It is beyond your control so do not try to save yourself from it! There is nothing to save! You are pure Buddha nature; at one with the light. Pure vibration. The release of who you think you are should feel refreshing to you and yet you spend so much time fearing this ‘no-self’. This too is part of the process of awakening. Awakening to your true nature is like a butterfly waking up and thinking it is still a caterpillar. The cocoon is gone. Your wings are fully formed. It’s time to learn to fly. This IS your purpose! Flight and the feelings of being alive. It is so simple and this is why you resist. You are addicted to complication. Let it go. It will be safe when you do. Peace.

That’s nice to know.
Thanks Inner Buddha Nature.
I am what I am. Simple!
What I do is what I feel like has meaning for me or is necessary for survival. This is the simplicity that brings mental peace and joy. Looking for more meaning than this at this point in time is clearly insane!

Today I wish for myself and for you, the grace to accept where we are and where we are not, and the release of our limited self-identity.
Fly on!

Namaste

Photo Credit Kelly Boesch

a pink moon and pink bamboo on a lake original acrylic painting by uk artist phoebe thomasson

How to not be angry with Stuff

Well

Before we start, and I want to be quick, this is not a prescriptive. I plain don’t know how not to be angry. It’s really a question that I intend to answer myself.

Ok so meditation does help but if I don’t do it then I don’t get the calm buzz. Thing is, I’ve been getting angry about lots of things and they all seem pretty stupid like messy kitchen, living room, landing, garden…hmm; seems to me that I really am allergic to mess, chaos and clutter. Good job I’m learning to be a minimalist isn’t it? I’ve got miles to go and I just can’t seem to stop buying clothes. I’m truly addicted to eBay. What’s wrong with me?

I despair at myself at times, and when I run out of despair for myself I can find plenty of others to despair at. It’s a hideous mindset; I really hate it. I don’t want to be hung up on external things forever like they really matter because surely they don’t matter that much because they don’t really exist. It’s all just a load of old space and emptiness.

Did I mention I’ve been studying Buddhism, and the Buddhists really get this. I mean, they can explain emptiness like no other explanation on earth. It’s really something! ha. Nothing is not nothing.

So why does it all have such an effect on me? Stuff. You know! It’s still quite a mystery to me why I get so wound up about it. It’s like I become hooked on cleaning, and it’s satisfying for a while, while it’s clean. BUT then it becomes messy again and I just go berserk after a while because I just can’t keep up with it all. AND it becomes messy FAR quicker than it gets sorted out! Why is this? Decay and Chaos are predispositions for life it seems. We’re all destined to have our cellular structures, so neatly put together at the start, gradually pulled apart and mashed into chaos pulp no sooner than we hit 30 and then it’s …oh, this is sounding so negative. I’m sorry. Gracious me, what a tangled web this stuff creates in me.

I need a remedy. A new mindset….hmmm.

ILOVECHAOS AND CHAOS LOVESME…

NO rhyme nor reason. Just changin’ with the season.

Letting flow. Letting go, go, go…(to bed)

I’ve got to let this stuff be easy, breezy, japaneezy.

I’ll try it tomorrow. NOTHING is going to disturb my equanimity and lest I become hoisted by my own petard (what IS that?~I love it) I shall let you know how I got on.

Knight Knight

Serenity Incarnate

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