Go Through, Gatekeeper. Go Through!

I feel like I shouldn’t be this comfortable or confident;
I feel like my life is a wreck and I am doing everything wrong!
‘You are’ said the voice.
What do I do with That!? I ask myself (not wanting to fight).
Nothing.
You cannot fight it.

Right or wrong, I guess I want a phantom;
I want something I do not know.
I see things based on evidence and intuition.
So you could say that yes, I am day dreaming my future into being,
Where as others, are dreaming themselves into oblivion.

You ARE the gate keeper;
You can see things how ever you like,
But you only see the dreams of those who pass through your door.

It is time to dream your own dream.

If our ways are supposed to part, then it will be from your strong desire;
I have no desire to leave or destroy.
I seek only to build, repair and develop.
I seek only to know the future I have never experienced,
Not to repeat the pasts that I have.
I seek to make amends, to adapt and evolve.
I seek to expand upon what I have and keep for myself a stable base from which to spread my wings.

If you wish to be part of my world then visualize yourself there.
Do not leave your dreams in the grip of negative presuppositions.
You neither know the way, or can predict its results unless you dream the way yourself.

It is time to invest in your own dreams and stop merely holding the doors for others without passing through.
Don’t let life pass you by by grasping at it.
You must enter it.
You must leave all past behind and let it serve merely as a guide, not a beacon.
Your beacon should be your own dream
Not that of others.

Phoebe Thomasson
Dorchester, Dorset
Feb 15th 2016

Barnabus

Sometimes, things only strike you as obvious when you have been through a crisis and all your doors of perception are open.

How many times have we encountered ourselves and others as merely the gatekeepers to the dreams of others.

When are we going to finally own up to the individuality that sets us apart from everyone else on the planet and be courageous enough to embrace it fully.

I think I ask myself this every day.

I get stuck on the how’s but hey, I’m doing it, even though I haven’t a clue how.

FOR FUN FRESH ART VISIT ME AT:

P T A R T W O R K S

Is This Perfection?

My life is perfect
in this moment…
Wow!
I really feel that

Appreciation swells,
then the question…
Why?
How can it be?

I don’t mean
that I am perfect!
Oh no!
Ha!

It means more like,
that I am fully engaged
in this awareness
right now…

More like,
that I am here
to appreciate this moment
and all that surrounds me…

The sparkle of light,
that glints
off the metallic disk
on a hanging scarf

The ache of my arm
as I write,
pencil scrawl
racing to the line’s end

The breeze
that undulates the curtain,
as it winds
from open window
filled with sweet spring air

The long awaited
sun filled bird-song,
as nature wakes
from her penumbral slumber

The light dancing
behind my eyes,
as I register
my own experience
of contentment
with what is

This is perfect…

Change
Is
Perfection.

acrylic painting by phoebe thomasson abstract blue brown winter colours

To Do List: Cultivation

Today I need to….

Cultivate Strength, one hour at a time.
Cultivate Bravery, to meet my own weaknesses.
Cultivate Determination to overcome my limitations.
Cultivate Fitness I wish, that I may lift you up.
Cultivate Perspective that this is my journey; destination unknown.
No-one else is on it with me unless I share it.

I hit a bit of a crisis today. Things went pear shaped for a minute, but I remembered that I could choose how things went by my response. I remembered that I have a choice, always. I can respond negatively or creatively.
I chose to allow myself my full gamut of feeling, as insane as it was for a minute, then throttle back and consider what was being said to me. Consider how I could change my perspective and see things in a more hopeful way.
I ended up giving myself the pep talk I was looking for externally. The thing is that it’s never as good from someone else. Our own reassurance or ‘inner sense’ is definitely tailor made for us if we can muster the space to talk intelligently to ourselves.
I also realized that I don’t need to tolerate my acting the fool, inside and out if it’s not productive. I can tell that stupid voice to shut up if I think it is being unreasonable. In short, I can control my own mind, then no-one else need do it for me.

….Cultivate trust in myself.

Rising Tide (Party at The End of Time)

I woke just now from dreaming
The feeling was desolate…

Have you ever felt
Like it was the end of the world?
Did you see the party
At the end of time?
Were your loved ones there
And your brother too?
It was my nephew who was by my side.
Or was it my son grown up?

Can’t seem to shake off the flood
The waters rose when she came after me
We tried swimming in the dark
Party over I chose to leave early
Strike my own path back to base camp
Before the dawn we were up to our necks
In the flood waters do we swim?

Stay up on higher ground
My waking self says get up
Get up out the water
The water is emotions drowning you
You can swim but it is cold
And will only tire you out
But in the dark its hard to know
What to do so me and him we swim
He’s been bitten by what?

I hugged my dad at the party
Does he even remember me?
Do the dead remember who they were?
Who they were is who they are to the living
Enduring memories serve as anchors
We keep your ashes in a box
Should we set you free on the earth?
Do you want to be free?

Stay up on higher ground
Climb on the tables
Forget and let her be.
Dark waters in the night
Do we swim in you safely?

The bar man offered me cheap drinks as he was closing
But they were no cheaper
Only faster. Urgency nearly making the choice
Not wise to guzzle your drink down
Leave the party early to the other end of town.

We saw the waters rising
It was like a tap left on
The door was a dam
Keeping it rising
Stop mesmerising
Get up onto higher ground.

Rise.

My old friend she scorned me
Then let me know her pain
I said yes I share your agony
But know of many remedies
She looked awkward in her skin
I remember her as graceful
Time and pain had taken their toll
I saw we were no different
In our weirdness
Sisters together
Then she disappeared again.

My uncle dancing like a gangster
Mod clean cuts and grey pin suit
I stood at the balcony with you
Beautiful young man
I’m old enough to be your mother
Are you my son?
What do you see by my side?
How can we hold back this tide?
Stay on higher ground.

Rise and shine.
Shine up and rise like the phoenix
He smiles at me
Staying by my side in the rising tide.

We swim.