Help I’m Broken! Where’s My Band Aid?

I’m in creative surgery with myself right now…let me explain;
It’s been a tough week with one thing and another, you know how it is….you are on a high getting things done, enjoying company, organizing stuff, moving furniture, and mountains….y’know, the normal spring day when you feel like you could eat the hind leg off a donkey because it’s spring and you can’t get enough of anything….yeah, that kind of day. Well….
And then you come tumbling down of your mountain high…after you’ve just moved the damn thing, and your all torn up at the bottom, ripped to shreds by the fall and exhausted by the climb.
Also, there’s a boulder on your head the size of Colorado and you have only one finger left and you are pointing it at your nearest loved one because obviously they are the source of all your agony. Right?
You know the kind of day I mean?
It takes a while to manifest this kind of day. Weeks of preparation and a slow erosion of the carefully crafted diet, the creeping sleep deprivation and the feeding of the over-excitement devil with sugar laden commercial chocolate and stupid food like bread….yum.
No! BAD! very bad….oh and the beating…you gotta get a good beating or two….
Sigh.
Back to the painting then. And the walking. And the Primal diet and the early nights, and the expressing your feelings as they come up instead of putting them all into a bottle and chucking them overboard.
I’ll start with the early night I think.
We all got to start somewhere!

Stupid

When we are judged as stupid
It is because we are feared,
hated or reviled and thereby
found to be threatening.

Perhaps for our ebullience (yes, and)
I think probably for our
ability to be happy and carefree (too).
Most definitely for out
child-like demeanour
our innocent joy
our creative boldness.

What seems like such a beautiful thing
can be tarnished by the very one’s
who purport to love us.

So don’t fear the label
Embrace it, as any judgement
As a rite of passage;
We know, we have touched someone
deeper than they themselves can go
for that reason
Have compassion
for the haters
The mud slinger’s
and the name callers
The labellers and
The righteous Judges
for they are far
from home.

P. Thomasson
30th March 2016

This poem was sparked by the question “But I feel so good; so why do I think I’m stupid?”
Upon analysis, feeling good always brings with it, this judgement of being stupid. But who gave it me? That was the deeper more intriguing question.

I still feel stupid, but I won’t take it so personally.

 

On Paying Attention…The Secret Sauce to ShapeShifting into What You Want To Be…

Making art is only one of the many tools used by a meta-morph in the process of self-transformation.

Anything is up for grabs. Dancing, writing, walking, gym, cooking, making love….whatever!

It’s the attitude we adopt when using our tool that matters.

Many of us approach our self development practices in the same way we might hammer a nail in a wall when we’re in a hurry; quickly, mindlessly and inefficiently. We then wonder why we hit our fingers, the nail bends in the wall and the plaster falls out. Been there? I have. Lots.

Here are some questions we should be asking ourselves…

Have we really prepared by choosing the right nail for the wall in question? (are you really fit enough for that particular form of exercise? do you really like writing about that subject? are you wearing the right shoes for the walk?)

Have we taken enough time to pay attention to our hammering technique? (are you feeling the nuances of the sexual plateaus or just going in for the big ‘O’?, are you overdoing the prawns? is that the right level of tension in your shoulders for a shimmy?)

If the answer is no, then we will not get the desired result! Period. Unless we are lucky. But we are not always lucky are we!

We must keep refining, keep adapting and keep asking relevant questions. This is what leads us into our own metamorphosis. This is what causes us to Shape-shift into something we want to be.

So paying attention, being aware and practicing mindfulness are the attitudes that act as the antidotes to bruised fingers and rubbery prawns. Right?

Mindful creation, mindful exercise, mindful speech, mindful thought will get us where we want to be in life. No short cuts. Just paying attention to everything we do.

Working anything mindfully then will take us where we want to go.

Mindful of what? That’s the question isn’t it!? I can answer that…

FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, ACTIONS!

Answer now. What are you feeling? What are you thinking? What are you doing?

Keep on checking in until you have a seamless stream of attention directed to your present moment. Sounds simple. It’s not. It takes practice. You can start, right now.

But be mindful of the fact…you will forget to be mindful until you make it a habit.

And that my friends is what practice is all about.

Let the feelings you are feeling right now, tell you what is next, and how to proceed.

For more on mindful approaches to life visit here

To see my art go to ptartworks.com

 

Navigating Duality

In this video I cover the following subjects:

  • Challenging religious structure
  • Approaching duality
  • Letting go of crutches
  • Taking responsibility
  • The mind attic
  • Emotion, Psyche, Shadow
  • Wildish Self
  • Dark Goddess
  • Radical truisms
  • Evolution of our psychology
  • Labels & opposites
  • Feelings
  • Information overload
  • Love & limerence
  • Game changing relationships
  • Narcissism
  • Law of Attraction

 

Hitting The Wall

Tonight I hit the wall.

You know the one. The impenetrable bricks and mortar one, not the flimsy version that you can dissolve with a thought. No this is almost like hitting your mortality in the face.

I had to have a crazy scribble on the paper then run off to the loo for a little cry then escape for a coffee and a chat with Sarah.

Thank god I know what it’s all about. It’s almost certainly one symptom of burn out. I’ve been moving the house around, including the studio. I’ve also been watching other artist’s at work and simultaneously getting inspired and dejected.

The comparison game is deadly for sure.

My wall tonight was composed of the following elements:

  1. I can’t do this
  2. I am not able to be this ‘artist’ thing
  3. I’m not flowing tonight
  4. I’m in my head
  5. I can’t do this
  6. I am crap…..

…you get the picture. Not very inspiring stuff to have in your head. I really do have a lot to learn, and that’s ok. You never stop learning art. Same as life, no different, but I do know one thing; I am learning how to know when to stop and what to do when I’m stopped.

It’s such a relief to go “You know what. There is no pressure but my own here, I can get off whenever I want to. It’s supposed to be fun!”

And that’s where I started the night. With the intent to have fun. I did. I got to talk to fellow artists, and you know what? They all understood, in their own version, what I meant, what had happened and shared a little bit more.

That’s it in a nut shell really. Being vulnerable enough to let it out, let it out and let other’s in.

I never used to do that.

I have grown. I am happy with that.

photo of a nude woman with wings by a rock photo art by adam white model phoebe thomasson

The Shame & Redemption Barrier; Post Meltdown Review & Self Analysis, or “I am OK with being vulnerable”

I feel like I’ve been a caged animal, hemmed in by too much love and mismatched desire.

I have fully understood for the need to create sufficient space for myself to digest and percolate on the issues of the day.

I had gone from nothing to everything in a very short space of time.

  • Why am I so impatient?
  • I must work on being more patient!
  • Affirmation: I am infinite patience!
  • Patience creates space
  • Space is desirable

It helps when I feel that things are not drastic.

During drastic periods I get very paranoid and urgent.

I want to offload and dump information at other’s feet. I do it in such a way they have little choice but to come along for the ride.

  • I think I am an energy bully.
  • I am a recovering bully.
  • I forgive the bullies!

I was bullied at school and it is time to do some cleansing work on the earlier periods of my life.

It is time for me to reconnect with my innocence again.

This is shrouded from view at the most stressful moments and that shield prevents positive movement.

a man sits by the window with a mask of his face in his hands photo artistry by adam white
Letting go of the old face to reveal a new found peace

The moment I am able to let down my shields, more and more quickly I see the swift return of my soft vulnerable side.

By now I have been through enough (don’t stop till you get enough!!) and am more resillient to shame than ever before and this is a really good thing!

Next Week:

I know I am avoiding hard work. Why is this?

Find out in the next instalment whether I pull off my next project with ease or not at all!
a face is obscured by black shards mixed media collage by uk contemporary artist phoebe thomasson

The Silent Killer; Get Down You Inner Censor….

The inner censor is the killer on the loose in our psyches.

How do we know it’s there?… Well we don’t to start with, but if you have tried to be consistently creative and failed to keep up stamina then it might be that, like me you suffer from a strict inner censor.

The censor is very much alive in the outer world at the moment. I won’t go into it because either you know what I’m talking about because you listen to the news and it’s not my focus here.

The inner censor is the real enemy and the outer manifestation is the proof that the energy is alive and kicking in our culture.

Why does the censor do what it does? Why does it kill the creative impulse?

Because it hates imperfection. Because it loathes chaos. Because it detests the uncontrollable.

Any time we have an idea that we just can’t do something about may be a symptom that the censor is in control. The gateway is very narrow if the censor is in command as it is a mean gatekeeper that only allows the acceptable through. It has a long list of what is acceptable, but an even longer one of that which isn’t.

In the creative life we need to channel the crap as well as the good stuff. This is for the creative zone where putting our thoughts on paper is a safety net for our fears. What we do with it afterwards is another matter but unless we can get it through the gates in the first place is a matter of re-education.

We need to gently take the censor to one side and give it a bribe.

If you let more through the gates, I promise, the quality and standard of my work will improve and increase in ways you never thought possible. Do me a favour mate and look the other way when I have a crappy idea. I can’t get to the good stuff hiding underneath unless you let this through.

The censor will probably consider this a feasible option. Just make sure you make it work for its living and don’t let it rule the roost.

You’re in charge!

Sort your back out for free! Some effort required!

If you’ve found yourself in front of the screen a bit too much or dealing with stress over the festive season, your back may be suffering.

Mine is. I have to sort it out or no painting for me. Here is how I am doing it. This guy is lovely!

I found this post here at Marks Daily Apple which is really worth bookmarking for all your health info.

I’m also using yin yoga which you can find out more about here.

Other remedies include Olbas Oil and Magnesium Oil.

a blue hand exuding rays of golden and rainbow light by artist phoebe thomasson

Transitions Into Joy

How could I have lived this morning differently?

I could have given Ewan my undivided attention this morning instead of rushing into doing the washing up. I could have sat and centred myself before running headlong into working on anything other than my state of being. I could have left the brown envelope unopened until I had done my morning ritual. I could have let Dru have his morning smoke before I told him the bad news. I could have seen things differently instead of crumpling into helplessness and despair. I could have been patient with myself for feeling upset about it all.

I feel I need to get a morning routine that is more helpful to me. I want to enter the day in a conscious state of peace and joy not barreling around trying to catch up and missing so much.
I don’t want Ewan to feel left out and like he has to protest by weeing on the carpet. I don’t want to be angry with him any more.

Why despite a great night with friends do I feel so negative? It’s almost a default setting and I guess I need to spend plenty of time resetting my habitual mind.

I have a ‘poor me’ nature that is entirely outmoded in this new way of being. I need to get back my natural bliss. It has been hidden for so many years, so I need patience with myself.

Seeing as how I find difficulties where there need be none, it behoves me to pre-plan for these inevitable downers. What do I do when I feel confused, disappointed, dissatisfied or dissociated? What strategies can I put in place to help myself out of the darkness?

Time and again I must remind myself that I AM strong, I AM resilient, I AM tough.

I need to break through this layer of false weakness and find the real substance I know is there. I can bring my vibration to a high place if I practice and practice like I mean it. Remembering to do this must also become second nature.

Raise it up!
Don’t drop it!
We are riding waves
Of vibration
Simply put
It’s the only real issue
That matters!

Bonjour mes amis…

she holds her hands up to the sky blue patterned alien friend
“Blue Friend” mixed media on board Copyright © Phoebe Thomasson 2014

Just a little note to tell you that I am filling up my pages with my artwork if you want to come and take a look…oh, it’s all going on here!

I’ve taken up a life coaching course and now I can’t stop working because my vision has exploded…funny that; why does it take someone else to give us permission to be the person we want to be? What went wrong with school eh?…yeah, don’t all answer at once…my boy is not going to school because I want him to believe in himself when he grows up…and all the time in-between…

Anyway, I think you should probably come in…it’s time….

x:-)